Smells like a pile of brown stuff – Army of the Dead

“Skelingtons are very very scary” when you are 9 and watching Jason and the Argonauts on TV on Easter Sunday. However, they are not scary when used to little effect in this monotonous humourless film. How it got made is a mystery; presumably ever since Sam Raimi made such a low budget masterpiece anyone thinks they can have a bash and hit low budget horror gold. But this isn’t it – no shocks, no jumps, no horror, no fear.

The gold in question in this film, like the stuff in Pirates of the Caribbean, is cursed, cursed I tells ya! Anyone who seeks it for themselves gets murdered by said skeletons and then is doomed themselves to join the ranks of the army of the dead to protect the gold forevermore.

A group of friends are on a off road adventure to celebrate a birthday but little do half of the group know that this is a ruse. Some of them are really there on a mission to find said cursed gold and be rich, rich I tells ya! Of course all the greedy ones fall out amongst themselves –there’s no honour amongst thieves eh? Finally they all pull together to fight the evil menace of the army of the dead. But… how do you kill what’s already dead? And do you care? Quite honestly know you don’t. The best thing about this film is when the end credits roll.

The special effects could be done better yourself at home on your laptop and you would have more fun no doubt.

With no sense of menace or foreboding and little in the way of plot ideas or original characters this is appalling. Do not bother as this is truly awful but not in a so bad it is good way just so bad it is a pointless waste of your time, if you don’t fall asleep. Do the ironing or take the bins out, clean the fridge or phone your mum but do not rent this film.

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